This past week I ran to the end and out of my neighborhood for the first time in well over a year. What might seem trivial could honestly bring me to happy tears.
Movement (particularly running) has always expanded my thinking, opened my heart, and been my personal communion with God. From the activity and life surrounding me to the body that carries me and allows me to pound the pavement. It’s a time where my anxious, over-thinking mind stills enough to tune into his promptings and be smacked with a total reverence to Him.
I can’t stop thinking about how God may have slowed my legs over the past couple years due to a chronic injury but he strengthened my heart, increased my capacity, sheltered me in the waiting, and completely delivered me from the grip that depression and disordered eating had over me.
He brought the people that stormed heaven to see me whole again–and if you ever find yourself there, He’ll willingly do it for you, too. All the while I thought I was getting off track, He was giving me directives, and placing me on the right course—my course. His course.
He’s always been faithful in constantly seeking after me harder than I could ever seek after Him.
Because that’s what grace does. It doesn’t make sense.
It’s comfort and peace and humility in the very midst of where it doesn’t exist. It finds you right where you are, picks you up, and eternally sets you free. It chooses you–flaws and all, over and over again.
In my self-criticism and personal paralysis, our Creator got creative and found different ways of getting through to me over the years. Giving me not what I wanted (an injury, a job change, living at home again for 2+ years, etc.) but what I needed (said injury, an uncompromisingly supportive family, the love of my life, a new community, a prophetic word, an encounter with the Holy Spirit, and a heart ready to outdream whatever I once thought were my limitations).
Naturally, none of it happened overnight. But now more than ever, I want to care for and appreciate my body not for how it can stack up to others or even how many races or competitions it can or can’t win, but for how it can be a vessel to carry out God’s purposes for my life from the inside out.
With that, I want to ensure others get to experience that same revelation and freedom, too. That together, we can fight for things like self-care and self-worth, not because it’s selfish but because we are daughters of a King who chose us before we ever even knew our own names.
He’s a Father who desires that we choose Him and choose ourselves in return because we are perfectly and wonderfully made [Psalm 139:14]. We are worthy of love and belonging [Brene Brown].
It starts with openly receiving that heavenly identity.
It starts with the little lifestyle decisions that create an environment for vibrancy.
It starts with taking back your health because you are worth it.
It starts with believing wellness can be more than a concept, but a reality in your life.
I still don’t know all the why or how of my now & then. I don’t know what the next few years will look like as my fiancé and I enter marriage & eventually start building a family of our own.
And still, I’m so grateful for what God’s been showing and refining in me along the way. I’m so genuinely excited for the future, mostly because I now know who’s ultimately in control.
Praise Jesus it’s not me. For I am but a white flag in the wind.
Here’s to waving it wildly & becoming better every day – on the pavement & off.
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